Oh, the places you’ll go. The lessons you’ll learn. And I’m learning them, honey.
The older I get, the more I am learning to love myself and to be my true self. I don’t need to fit into anyone’s mold or idea of how I should be. I can just be me, authentically and unapologetically.
You may be asking where this is coming from…..well, here’s the story.
When I started this blog, it was to let my creative juices flow. I wanted to be able to have a platform where I could express myself and share the things I learn or love to do the most. I was so passionate about the content I was sharing and I was proud of what I was creating. Then, I hit a plateau and I wasn’t as excited as I used to be. I stopped posting as frequently and it took me all this time to figure out why.
Yesterday, as I was browsing through the websites of some of my favorite bloggers, I began to compare my content to theirs. I began to compare the look of my blog to theirs. And then it hit me…that was the problem! I’m always so worried and obsessed about comparing what I am doing to others, that I was beginning to lose myself! I’d go on someone else’s blog and try to mimic a story or some to-do list they posted. It would be a struggle for me to bring the content to life because it wasn’t my own. I had a hard time making it believable because it wasn’t something I would normally do. I don’t do DIYs in real life, so why would I post about it? (deleting that category from my site as soon as I’m done writing this). I don’t do make-up tutorials, I’m not super big into fashion. So, WHAT THE HELL WAS I DOING? It wasn’t genuine and it was starting to show in my work. It wasn’t the same exciting content that I posted when I started this blog. I wanted to get back to that. I was so busy trying to compare myself to other bloggers and trying to capture my readers by writing what I thought they would want to read. But I needed to write what was important to me so that I could accurately express my work with genuine emotion. And with that, I would capture the type of readers who would appreciate my kind of work.
I also had to slap myself back into reality because I was getting all uptight about comparing the look of my blog to other bloggers. But 9 out of 10 of those bloggers are either super popular influencers or celebrities who have whole teams behind them, helping them build their websites and put their content together. For me to be doing this on my own, as a non-professional, is a pretty darn good accomplishment!, if I do say so myself.
And after this epiphany, I realized that this should also apply to everything else in my life. I shouldn’t worry so much about what everyone else around me is doing, or trying to live up to someone else’s standards. I need to set my own! Become my own definition of pretty! Be my own definition of the perfect size! Just be my own definition of me. For someone like me who has struggled with self-esteem issues, this may be a bit of a struggle. But I have to keep reminding myself of what I need to do to control my happiness, what I need to do to heal. I’ve always looked at celebrities or other people who say they experienced healing and the steps they needed to take and what their lives were like beforehand. I never understood what they meant by healing until now. And I am on my journey to healing; from the past, from myself and from others. I want to be the best version of ME and only I can control that!