Have you ever experienced the need to say something that’s been weighing heavy on you? You know the words to say, but they’re stuck in your chest like a terrible case of indigestion? It sits there and sits there because you want to blurt it out, but you fear the unknown. You fear the reaction those words could cause. The thought of finally saying the words is like rainbows and butterflies. Your imagination has you floating in the air on cloud nine, feeling complete bliss. But the actuality of reality makes it all come crashing down. How amazing would it be to find a different way to express what you really want to say? But after much thought, you realize there are no other words that could convey this raw, authentic, emotional and inspiring feeling.
Why do we get so caught up in the emotion of these thoughts that we aren’t able to think of anything else? Maybe because it’s a comforting feeling. So now you know you have to get those words out, but again, you’re afraid. It’s time to think of a different way to say it. Different words but with the same meaning. That’s tough. You don’t want your words to be misconstrued. You don’t want your words to be taken the wrong way. So what do you do?!
I’d assume there is no other choice but to speak freely. Say what you’re really trying to say. Nope! I can’t. It’s too much, and they can’t handle that. Or is it you who can’t handle it? Possibly. So again, what do you do? Honestly, if you have to go back and forth this much about it, maybe it’s better left unsaid. But what good does that do?
Do I google the answer? Do I look for a quote that mirrors what I’m feeling? Or do I sit idle as the words continue to sit in my chest and that feeling of indigestion bubbles up and spews out like word vomit? Do you see my dilemma here? This has been a constant battle. I either speak my mind and say things too prematurely or I say nothing at all and kick myself in the ass for it. But not this time.
I’m still looking for the words….
I’ll find them one day, at the right time. Or maybe, just MAYBE, I’ll say the real words.
But until then, I digress……